First Date

At long last, there was a plan for the aforementioned date.  After going back and forth via text without a ever making a plan, he finally suggested we meet around 9 at a restaurant downtown.  I agreed, slightly annoyed, since I could have much better planned my day (outfit) around a later meeting time, but figured it wasn't the worst thing in the world.  I may be uptight at times, but wouldn't hold it against the guy.

I realized immediately that it the lack of plan and last-minute decisions were not an excuse to play games-- he is just completely free-spirited and relaxed.  It didn't seem to phase him that I showed up 30 minutes latte (traffic, I swear), whereas that would have driven me crazy.

He picked a really cute restaurant called Esperanto, on 9th and Avenue C.  I've never been as far east as C, and it was surprisingly quaint and very quiet.  The restaurant was on a corner and had two blocks of outdoor seating, so we grabbed a table right by one of the windows-- from there, we could faintly hear the Latin music that was playing from the live band inside.

photo courtesy of NubiaMag

The food was Brazilian-inspired; to start, we split potato and cod croquettes and roasted mussels.  The mussels were wonderfully crispy and garlicky-- perfect with a squeeze of lime on top.  The croquettes were to salty for my taste, and they tasted more like salty fried hush puppies.  Something I would definitely skip next time... though I can see their appeal after a few drinks.  As an entree, I had seared tuna, topped with a roasted pepper and avocado salsa.  Overall it was good, the flavors didn't pop, but the fish was cooked perfectly.  And the caipirinhas were amazing.  We then went for a drink next door to this tiny cocktail lounge called Louis 649 which was really cool-- dark lighting, old jazz music, and great cocktails.

He was certainly very different than anyone I've been out with before.  He was interesting, interested, considerate, very into New York, optimistic, artsy, free-spirited...if nothing else, it was a bit of a reality check.  Not only are there so many different types of (single!) people on this island, I could learn a lot from each of them.  I'm not sure if there will be a second date, but if nothing else, I could probably relax a little... it'll take a while, but maybe not making a plan three days in advance isn't the worst thing someone can do.  Though I'll keep hoping for it.

Is it too much to ask for a plan?

I met someone at a happy hour this past Friday.  Though we only spoke for a short amount of time, he seemed smart, cute, nice enough... basically he was completely unoffensive which, considering the past few I've dated, is grounds for consideration.  We exchanged numbers and went about our separate plans for the night, with the notion that we would touch base later in case our paths crossed.  They didn't, of course, but he did send a text saying how nice it was to meet me and that he would like to buy me dinner or drinks sometime soon.  +1, happy hour man.

He texted me a few more times, and then asked on Monday to let him know if I were free this week and wanted to hang out; an approach which still leaves me in a state of wonder.  It's not as if we are close enough that "let me know when you're free" qualifies as making a date.  Why wouldn't he just ask if I were free on a certain day and actually make a plan?  Or better yet-- call?

But he's cute and I want to give it a chance, so I responded with a definitive "I'm free Thursday".  He said great, that's what he was thinking as well (then why didn't he suggest it?), and he will think of a plan.  So here we are, one night before our first date, and there's no plan. 

Moving forward, I am trying to keep an open mind in my dating career.  But this is one thing that I'm not really interested in compromising.  In my book, "we'll hang out" does not a plan make.  Why is it so hard to commit to a time and a place?  Is the nonchalance an indication that things are too casual, or is it a means of protection?  Is it a way to play games-- and if so, do I leave my entire night open, waiting to see if this "date" materializes, or tell him something came up since he didn't make plans?  I don't know this guy, but I have the sense he's not trying to play games-- and I'm holding out hope that he will pull through tonight and make a plan before I write it off.  I have to draw the line somewhere.  Stay tuned...

Houdini

I have to warn you ahead of time that this will not be the last time I'll post about this topic.  I almost don't even know where to start.  But what is it makes that so many twenty-something guys (I'm hesitant to say "men"...) feel so entitled?  In their so-called version of dating, the "relationship" ultimately is defined by what they want.  I just heard about a mutual friend of mine who was dating someone for almost two years.  They were very close, happy, had a great relationship; a few weeks ago he was talking about how someday he would propose and convert to Judaism for her.  Then, out of the blue, he started to distance himself from her, until he finally told her he decided he wasn't really into her or the relationship anymore and didn't feel like dating.  That was it.  She called him a couple days later to get some sort of explanation as to why he just went dark (good for her!), but he never called back.  And that was the end of that.

I've found that so many of the guys I've dated have acted in a frighteningly similar way (don't worry...stories to come).  To me, it shows an immaturity and sense of entitlement that is hard for me to comprehend.  Since when did it become acceptable to just disappear?  Is it that they are too immature to have an adult conversation, or are they too immature to care?  Perhaps at this age they feel as if they are finally making money and have enough power to do whatever they feel like.  Or maybe they feel that once things start to become boring or difficult, they lose interest...and disappear.  Or do they act like this because we allow them to?  Many of us attempt to be kind, fun, breezy, and accomodating-- especially when in the beginning-- but can it be too much?  Should we be more demanding and no-nonsense at the start so they know we deserve at least the respect of a breakup?

Lisa, party of one

So considering the fact that perhaps no one will be reading this (except for maybe my sister and my two delusional friends who agreed this is a great idea), I probably should not be as stressed out as I am about this first post.  But honestly, starting a blog is pretty stressful.  First of all, it's putting yourself on the internet-- and lord knows what kind of crazies are out there.  Actually, I do know, because that one time I did a 30-day free trial of match.com... too much too soon?  You have to think about what your blog "portrays".  Pink is girly, and I'm kind of girly, but not Mariah Carey butterfly girly... so then I went with the navy font to counteract that.  I think I'm the only one who noticed that one.  Then there's the stigma of being a "blogger".  Really cool if you're good and have a huge following-- not so cool if you suck.  Don't let me suck.  Follow me.  Re-reading those sentences makes me realize that having half a bottle of wine before I write may or may not be the best idea-- though most of this will be done after a half bottle of wine.  I am who I am.

Who am I?  Other than a oenophile who may or may not dabble in online dating, I'm a sucker whose roommate thinks that me blogging is the best thing since pasta.  I'm a twenty-something Manhattanite who is a little late to the blogging party but knows its never too late to join a party... who realizes that my everyday existence of work-friends-gym-cooking-dating (when I'm lucky)-going out-sleeping is probably just like everyone else's... but being relatable and shameless is a good thing, right?